Episode 14: Sorry Not Sorry

In this episode of Disrupting Default, we expose "sorry" for what it really is: a reflex we use to apologize for existing, not for actually doing something wrong.

We explore how many times you say sorry in a day – not for real mistakes, but just automatically. "Sorry, can I ask you a question?" "Sorry, just passing through." "Sorry to bother you." "Sorry for the late response" when you replied in 20 minutes. If you're like most people, especially women, you're apologizing constantly for taking up space, asking questions, existing in shared spaces, and having needs.

This episode traces our sorry reflex back to what it's really about: "sorry" isn't accountability anymore, it's appeasement. We've been conditioned to smooth things over, make ourselves smaller so others feel comfortable, and pre-emptively manage other people's potential displeasure with us. For women especially, we apologize for speaking up in meetings, sending emails, having opinions. We've been taught that taking up space requires an apology, that our presence is an inconvenience by default.

Tune in to discover the gendered apology gap (women say sorry significantly more than men, even when they did nothing wrong), what we're really saying when we say sorry ("please don't be mad at me," managing others' reactions, afraid of conflict), and how to reclaim your space. Spoiler alert: you have a right to ask questions, contribute in meetings, and move through public spaces – none of that requires an apology.

Perfect for anyone who says sorry constantly without thinking, starts sentences with apologies they don't mean, softens everything to avoid displeasure, undermines themselves before they even start, or who are ready to stop acting like their presence is an inconvenience.